Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Avatar FanFic

It starts with him opening his eyes in the blue light of the space ship. It always starts this way. He scratches his three stroke scar and reaches for the door's release.
"I forgot something , we're going back." said General Knife Grabber.
The Marines that work for the company turn and look at him. All of them not saying, "did he die on Pandora?" None of them admitting, "I honestly forget, but I think he did."
"Shut up!" General Knife Grabber says to the silence. "Maybe I'm a clone or a twin or something. Like a Twix bar. Just give me a break!"
General Knife Grabber struts down the corridor and kicks down the door to Giovanni Ribisi who is busy slam dunking rolled up paper basketballs.
"I'm sorry I don't know your name."
"I'm sorry I don't know your name either."
The two are bonded. Bonded like a banshee to a Na'vi.

Meanwhile, on Pandora Jakesul Ly and Matisyahu rule as King and Queen. Jakesul hides his shame for killing Matisyahu's betrothed during a freak attack-the-oppressing-corporates accident. One day he thinks he'll tell her.
She plugged into his braid. She knows everything now. She doesn't even say 'I see you' and walks away.
LAND, the big ship does and all the Na'vi surround it. The sound of taught bow string is so dense that were a supernatural white glowy milkweed seed to land on one, the pluck of grand piano would result. Unfortunately, the arrows do nothing to stop the ship from landing on red-painted Na'vi who were visiting from out of town. The door opens and General Knife Grabber comes out, gas mask equipped.
"I'm sorry, I seem to have forgot something! Like a pack of Nerds or something."
Jakesul approaches him, cool, confident.
"Look around, take it, and leave."
"You don't understand me," General Knife Grabber suggests, "When I said 'a pack of Nerds' that was a metaphor."
General Knife Grabber grabs Jakesul's neck in a headlock.
"Now listen here, Marine, what are you doing? Your body isn't going to last like this! The Avatar bodies are like a really expensive jacket, but if you notice, sometimes really expensive stuff falls apart faster than cheap stuff. Like a Jawbreaker is pretty cheap, but that'll last longer than a Godiva..."
"A Jawbreaker?"
"You know from the 20th Century?"
"Okay, then like Jujubes."
"Oh, yea, Jujubes, I love those."
"Well it's like that so come back with us! I can get you some human legs too."
"I forgot about those."
Jakesul looks to Matisyahu. She's not there.
Jakesul and General Knife Grabber have a brief back and forth on whether or not the Tree could keep fixing his expensive body and eventually night falls. General Knife Grabber retires to his chambers to find the entire crew murdered. He yells and Jakesul runs on board. In the horror of the situation they turn to see the ship's door closing and an odd shape blocking the way out.
It's Matisyahu holding a knife to the sleeping human body of Jake Sully.
"You are stupid."
She kills off the human body and the blue one faints. General Knife Grabber gives up and runs outside to be taken by the teeth of the giant dinosaur banshee. Matisyahu returns to her tree house and plays Egyptian Ratscrew with the Tree-healed Michelle Rodriguez when suddenly six banshees crash into their roof. The baddest banshee is ridden by Dominic Toretto, he detaches his braid.
"Come on, Letty, I hear there's a killer ridge on the floating mountains."
They all fly away. Fastly and with furiousness.