Monday, August 10, 2009

(500) Days of Summer FanFic

Tom Hansen legally changed his surname to Handsome this morning. It's (510). He just met Autumn for lunch. They shared a chutney-cucumber salad sandwich that he picked up on the way. She got the job at the architecture firm. He made her a card that read, "congratulations, I guess I should stick to card writing." She was annoyed that he passively blamed her for his failure and this led to them not speaking from (504 -509). He realized that she was right and he wasn't happy for her success and also that he's lousy at making cards. This one, like all his others was a pale purple with white letters.
On (504 1/2) also known as his "clever play on numbers day" he decided to speak with McKenzie, his friend and on again/off again coworker. McKenzie has changed and instead of only talking about Tom Hansen's problems, he now talks about his own.
"I've been on a lot of first dates, but not a lot of seconds," he starts, "I think that makes me more of a loser."
Tom Hansen doesn't know how to talk about anyone’s relationships other than his own and is actually a little put-off by this change in McKenzie. Later that night he will write, "I need new friends" on his bedroom chalkboard. The same bedroom chalk board that nearly killed him on (503) when he woke up with his lungs filled with dust after he drunkenly wrote and erased both a break-up letter to Autumn and a Last Will and Testament. He now dreadfully refers to this day as (Self-Judgment Day).
"I'm going to go listen to New Order and wonder why no one has ever heard of The Magnetic Fields," Tom Hansen said before leaving his own apartment. This confused McKenzie. One, he was now stuck in Tom Hansen's apartment, and, two, everyone he has ever met has heard of The Magnetic Fields. The realization that Tom Hansen was full of himself was too much. He decided to leave the apartment knowing that there would be no way for him to lock the door. But first he took every one of Tom Hansen's Beatles albums and left a note that read "I never heard of The Beatles, thanks for sharing, sincerely, A. Thief." McKenzie felt better about himself than he ever had in his entire life.
(509). Autumn, in a moment of brilliance, thought that all she would have to do to get Tom Hansen to legally change his last name to "Handsome" would be to merely suggest it. (511). Rachel Hansen, Tom Hansen's little - but wise for her age - sister, thinks that Autumn is hilarious and they talk about how it's actually not Rachel who is so bright but Tom who is so dim. Rachel knows that Autumn is going to dump Tom. She doesn't tell him as she could use any excuse to have to ride to downtown LA and not be in bed by 10pm. This affords her the ability to watch "SouthLAnd" at Tom's place.
(537). It's been weeks since Autumn broke up with Tom Handsome and this is the part where he finds a time machine. (-1).
"Holy Shit," says Tom aloud in his bathroom.
(503). Tom goes up to Summer and asks her about a book she's reading. Tom secretly crushes his own foot for still not having read "The Picture of Dorian Gray." He had so much time to do this. Why did he let spite get in the way? It's still a classic and it might tell him something about Summer. Anyway, now he has nothing to really ask her about. He stares blankly at her as he realizes that with his time machine he can still read it and come back to this point in time. (520). "Oh, I should tell the world about this Oscar Wilde, I wonder why no one has heard of him. Summer is so on top of things for knowing who he is. I love Summer. I LOVE Summer!" (503). Tom goes up to Summer, reading "The Picture of Dorian Gray."
"I think that book is really cool," he says. They make-out. That night he asks her to marry him. She agrees. They watch "The Science of Sleep" together and when the guy yells at the girl for not finishing anything, and she's like 'actually I finished this thing' Summer and Tom look at each other and are so glad that they'll never have an argument like that. (500). They're in Paris talking about architecture. (503). Tom cannot cough up the dust. It hits him that it's all been a life-flashing-before-his-eyes hallucination, a crash of reality and expectation. There is no time machine, and there never will be. Summer didn't like him. Autumn didn't like him. And now he will fall.

1 comment:

  1. 647 Winter is an icey queen that breaks Tom's heart while ice skating to the new Queens of Leon song, aint it a shame.